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Transformers: Probably not the Last Knight 

Tracey Fox

1 1/2 Stars

 

I AM starting to think director Michael Bay has a morbid fetish for really bad reviews and actual death threats from some of the more passionate fans of the original Transformers.

Maybe he just doesn’t care if the vast majority of people don’t like his highly explosive abominations and I am sure it would be hard to turn down all that money they just keep throwing at him.

But crikey, it’s just time this Transformers thing ended. Could someone please straight up tell this guy to stop making these terrible movies.

For the love of bizarre Medusa-esque robot goddess: stop!

This is the fifth instalment, and the story just gets wackier every time.

With this The Last Knight, Bay just seemed to scoop up a whole pile of “what the hell?…” and ball it all up into 2.5 hours of direct punches to the face, in vivid 3D no less.

When I walked out of the theatre I felt like I’d survived a battle myself.

Not only do we have giant transforming alien robots (that have pretty much ripped up the planet in every other movie already), but we also have dinosaurs, dragons and some random nonsense that makes Mark Wahlberg out to be the next King Arthur.

Bay has cobbled together every story line he could think of and furiously tossed the camera around on set.

Everyone was always angry and shouting, constantly swearing at each other as they dodged yet another huge irate mega beast.

I forgot to mention the long lost magical medieval robots that have finally popped up out of the ground.

Yes, the mythical knights of the round table were really just an old bunch of these transformer guys that have just been chilling in a cave for thousands of years, waiting for some powerful evil force to threaten the planet (again).

I feel like I need to make up a word to describe this film, I want to say it was…clashtastic.

It was so big and over the top, and with so much dizziness going on, it needs its own expression.

Look, there was awesome action and smash’em ups of course.

And there are good guys, and bad guys, and bad guys who think they are the good guys, and of course the government sticks its nose in as well.

It just seemed too much, everything so crammed together, they even threw in a discount C3PO, and a drunken Merlin for laughs.

The best part of the film was when it finally came to a juddering end, leaving the audience hopeful that at least this never-ending saga would finally be over.

It’s even in the title, The Last Knight, surely now we can put this whole thing behind us and move on?

Nope, sorry kids, Bay is not so subtle.

He didn’t gently allude to there being a possible sixth installment; he positively threatened us with it.

About Tracey Fox

For the past seven years Tracey has been the smiling face at reception. She takes care of the classifieds and trades and services sections for the paper but she is also our reviewer. For the past five years her movies, books, theatre and food reviews have entertained our readers. She loves the fact the Echo is a small paper and its staff have a genuine interest in local issues because they are locals. Tracey says it is great working at a paper she wants to read.

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